Drugs

I take a lot of drugs… legal ones, that is; I used to engage in the illegal sort, in my early 20s, mostly, and I look back on that period of exploration fondly. But now, I take a lot of drugs, via prescription, for my medical/mental condition. The list (as I’m of a list-making mood this morning) these days is:

Cymbalta – antidepressant
Lamictal – balances my (barely-bipolar) mood swings
Androgel – not ingested, lest I want to die – a testosterone-enhancing gel
Doxepin – sleep-regulation
Adderall – legal speed

This also, until recently, included Bromocriptine, a drug usually given to people with Parkinson’s, which impedes the tumor in my pituitary gland’s stifling of natural testosterone production. We (my endocrinologist and I) have taken me off of it recently, to see if my years of taking this (heavy on the nasty side-effects) drug has indefinitely suppressed the tumor. I’m doing my usual schedule of blood tests over the next year, followed by an MRI, to see how this is going.

Anyway: I will address drug #5 this morning, the Adderall. It’s 4:30 AM as I write this, and it is partly to blame. Mind you, it’s a great drug to aid my otherwise zombie-like level of energy, it being a pretty straight-up amphetamine. Speed was never my thing during my drug years, but I need it now. For the past two weeks, however, I was without the stuff. Previous to that was just the first month that I’d started taking this drug, and that period was an elation, it giving me the energy to actually do things. I started cleaning my pig-sty of a room for the first time in eight years. Imagine how bizarre that sounds, and then apply it to eight years of 365 days. It’s been said that the cleanliness of one’s home speaks greatly of one’s emotional and psychological health, and I agree with that: I’ve been living in this state for about 3,000 days.

Like other speedy drugs (Ritalin, for instance, which was my motivating drug in recent months), Adderall is a tightly-controlled substance, requiring a new scrip every month. Unfortunately, my pharmaceutical company doesn’t deal well with our (my psychiatrist’s and my) attempts at dutifully submitting forms for pre-approval for controlled substances, and so I was off my speed for the past two+ weeks. It made a huge difference, but now I’m finally back on the stuff.

As I’ve been painfully short on go these recent days, when I finally got the new scrip filled, I popped one immediately upon getting the pills, though it was about 4PM (two days ago), and they’re supposed to be taken in the morning. Then I went over to my buddy Todd’s house to watch the big game (Pats vs. Giants), but omitted the standard beer/drinky-drinky from my diet, since I’m still dealing with post-cold effects (phlegm, anyone?). So instead I drank something I never drink: Dr. Pepper. Over the course of the night, like, 1.5 liters of the stuff. I finally went to sleep at 4AM that night.

For the rest of that day (yesterday), I was hung over from my binge, though I still managed to be somewhat productive (I installed me a new, digital thermostat… now I have to figure out how to program the fucking thing). But, here I am, writing this at 5AM, and I’m about to take another hit of speed. Still, even feeling hung over, this is miles better than not having the stuff in me.

Which brings me to a happy memory.

During Saturday morning cartoons (the classic 80s era), they used to actually run PSAs, and my favorite one was the following. Everybody sing along!

This is serious (serious)
We could make you delirious (delirious)
You should have a healthy fear of us (fear of us)
Too much of us is dangerous (no, no, no, nooooo!)
Doctors tell the pharmacy (pharmacy)
Types of pills that you will need (you will need)
And he knows the harm that we can be (we can be!)
If we're not taken carefully (no, no, no, nooooo!)
We're not candy (believe us!)
Even though we look so fine and dandy
When you're sick we come in handy
But, we're not candy (ooooh, no!)