I'm continuing to look through my newly archived blog posts from 2001, and read this lengthy "open letter" I'd written in June '01, prefaced with:

The following is an open letter I just finished writing. It's the nth version of this ever-evolving note.

I remember this, but I've no idea how many times I tried putting it together... it was started and abandoned often. Reflections on it:

1) Sadly, though my condition is no longer as severe as it was, the letter still suffices in painting a picture of what my life is like.
2) Curiously, it seems that I was receiving bigger testosterone injections back then.

WTF? I had a different specialist in those days. With the guy I've been seeing in recent years - who is supposedly regarded as a hotshot of endocrinology - I'm on a lower dose, though have asked on more than one occasion if a bigger shot would help. He negged the idea; would the earlier doctor (who I didn't much like) - or another doctor - have differed? Again, I know that the doc I'm seeing now is publicly regarded as being fantastic.

Well, my next appointment with him is coming up soon, and I can address it (I'll also mention it to my injections nurse later this month, just to see if she has any thoughts). I'm also curious to see how my recent blood test checks out. I receive injections of testosterone every two weeks, and for once I had them test me one week after an injection, rather than right before it. Taking a blood test at the end of the two-week period gives you a sense of your low-end/baseline, and mine are always poor. But I've always wanted to know what my levels were like during more of the bulk of the duration, thinking that if they're low, we might alter my treatment. I hate that I have to be the one to try and be more assertive about my treatment (a big part of my medical/psychological condition is that I'm a terrible advocate for myself). Ideally, one's doctor would be earnest to pursue an issue.

I dream of having a doctor like that of Robertson Davies' The Cunning Man... if you've never read Davies - regarded by many as Canada's greatest novelist - you should check him out. His Dr. Hullah was basically a doctor that was truly investigative and saw each patient as an individual... is that too much to ask?

chronic blogulation

I just preserved myself by downloading all of my old livejournal entries. Somehow they only allow you to do it month by month, which is odd, but it made me see how erratic my posting has been. I knew it was erratic, but it was surprising to see that in some years I posted, like, twice. This year, I've only posted a bit (uhm, I think this is my 5th or so). I did notice that I missed copying posts over to the LJ from here quite a bit, but this has only been going for 3 years. My first post on livejournal - my first blog online, I guess - was all the way back on June 3rd, 2001. A decade of blogging during my decade of complete lamitude.

Various parts of that first post are interesting to me, but this part about my medical condition made me laugh:

So really, finally getting SOME diagnosis and treatment is a great thing; the idea being that I can get better, and be better than I ever was, I think. The road is insanely long, though. It took me months before I could even begin to get treatment, and the more I go through it, the more I realize that this is a long haul.

Long haul, indeed. 10 years and counting. Insane. As I said after that paragraph: "Well, shit."

As a sign of the times, I can think back to how I blogged in the decade/century before: by zine, Taz Times (originally Hei Times, Hei being my last name for a brief period). It's a good thing those "personalzines" weren't online, since they were a bit too revealing. I should hook up my scanner and scan in the covers though, one was pretty amusing.

FYI, I've joined the herd and am now using facebook. I've always had an account (previously named "Fonzie Chamberlain," my porn name) but used it only to connect to a couple people. Now I've changed it to my actual name (it's not like my name can be at all hidden online, being the only one with it) and am feeding this blog there. Of course, all of this is moot if I disconnect from the universe and don't post anything or contact anyone, which is typical of me and to be expected. I've also linked my picasa albums there btw, so if/when I post something, it'll be easy to see; I haven't posted anything since the stuff I linked a couple posts down one month ago, but maybe I'll be creative, y'never know.

"When Captain America throws his mighty shield..."

Finally, the superhero game I've been waiting for:

More Captain America: Super Soldier Videos

My favorite superhero of all time, lookin' fine.

I just got another idea on who I'd like to have seen cast as Cap in the upcoming film: Cyril Raffaelli of District B13 fame. Having an actor w/major parkour skills would have been brilliant.



(Instead, Cap's being played by Chris Evans, who was Human Torch in F4.)

The concept art for the movie is gorgeous and of the right flavor, but who knows how it will actually look. I've always felt that getting a decent version of Cap's uniform on screen without looking ridiculous would be a real trick.