Woot.

I've got a huge fokking grin on my face. The mail just came, with three packages for me (you've gotta love getting presents from yourself in the mail). I've recently become financially solvent - all caught up on rent, bills, and other money I owed my brother (who owns "my" house). I even had money left over, so what did I do? Of course, I went on a shopping spree, virtual style.

So uh, if you read my recent post (Philately Fetish), you'll know I was considering following up on my nostalgia for stamp collecting. Well, I done jumped in with both feet. These three packages are full of stamps - the 500 common ones with duplicates, etc., for like $5 or less each - including ones from the company that I absently cheated as a kid! I thought the name Kenmore Stamp Co. sounded familiar. They've sent me little packets of stamps on approval... they're adorable. I'll send most of them back (they not meeting my approval, I guess) but some are too cheap to pass up (well, for the stamps that I actually like the look of)... they range from $0.50 to $3.50. I'll be returning the Princess Diana set, unless they're cheap, in which case I might buy them just so I can deface them as a piece of art or something. I've never liked her or found her to be at all interesting (like most if not all royals), and the massive cult that seems to adore her baffles me completely.

Anyway. Big drum grin on my face. I think I'm gonna like this. And of course... woops! Two of the little buggers just flitted out and under my bed before I managed to stuff them all back into a package for safekeeeping....

I got the idea to make this on account of me being in the mood on the right quadrant. I get this way when I'm tired, which probably has something to do with me waking up at 4AM today. I figured I'd cut people off before they endanger themselves or our friendship. Hopefully I can face the spinner I made toward the top of the ring increasingly more often.... And now, I'm going back to bed, and every time one of the little brats upstairs (at my friends' home daycare center) screams and squeals, I'll growl and mutter angrily, but no-one will see and hear me do it.

Best of 2007 Lists: Flicks

2007 (The List)
I used to make a “best of” list at the end of every year, and I’m resurrecting that tradition this morning. Not because I think you care, but I like making lists, and remembering good things. And if my list points you to wonderful things that you didn’t know were so dandy, that makes me happy. So let’s begin.


The List, Part I: Films, 2007
If may seem like I go and see a lot of movies, but I actually barely ever hit the cinema. I almost always pirate stuff. I wish going to a movie theater still gave the experience of “seeing it on the big screen, as it was meant to be seen,” but every time I see a flick at local megaplex Worcester Showcase North, it’s out of focus, partly off the screen, hindered by warbly sound, or all of the above. And it doesn’t matter if you complain multiple times. Even if they do correct it, by then we’re a fair way into the film and I’m too pissed off to enjoy it. That said:

30 Days of Night - I generally don’t like horror movies, because most of them are just bad movies with some gore on top. But I loved this film, its premise, the sense of (vampire) culture they give in the briefest suggestions.



300 - Simply outstanding. I was never a fan of Frank Miller’s original graphic novel, but I love the story itself, and this film captures it magnificently, frame by painted frame.
An Inconvenient Truth - Brilliant, from its message, to how it’s presented, in a simple and honest fashion. Gore & the filmmakers managed to make a film that is genuinely non-partisan (most things that are labeled “non-partisan” aren’t). It’s hard to make a successful call for action in our apathetic society, but this film managed to do it.



Crank - OK, this came out late last year, but I had to include it. The idea of this film was to make a non-stop, crazed over-the-top, frenzied action thriller, and it succeeds in (sometimes literally) leaps and bounds, each individual second. If you want a clever adrenaline rush like never before (well, in a film), you must see Crank. Oh, and it stars one of my male crushes, Jason Statham.

No End in Sight – The best of the scads of documentaries about the War on Iraq that I’ve seen, interviewing all the right professionals in the business (I choose this word pointedly) that once held positions in the Pentagon and similar large buildings. Voices of experience, speaking intelligently and without melodrama, in a documentary that is the same… unlike certain other films (coughMICHAELMOOREcough).

Spider-Man 3 – I was set up for a disappointment, based on early reviews, and so I was very happily surprised to see that this film was genuinely good, and capped off the (thus far) trilogy in a very smart way. Tobey Maguire and James DeFranco again delivered, Topher Grace did as well as he could, and Willem DeFoe again improves his performance over his original large role from Spider-Man 1. Thomas Haden Church (and the writing of a favorite character of mine, Sandman) did well, although my favorite villains of the series will remain DeFranco and Alfred Molina (Dr. Octopus). I really dislike Kirsten Dunst (and how Mary Jane is written in these films), but the other bit part regulars are still excellent supporters (J.K. Simmons in particular). My biggest beef was the handling of the origin of Venom. Bringing alien life into the picture (though this was the “original” origin of the alien symbiote) was distracting, and jumped the shark a bit… such is the otherwise splendid grounding to reality (well, plausibility) of this series, as far as comic book movies go. I really wish they’d adopted Venom’s (and the symbiote’s) origin from the outstanding Ultimate Spider-Man series, which involves Peter Parker’s discovery of his dead father’s life work. Much more interesting and character-driven.

Other notables include:

Bourne Ultimatum - There aren’t many decent “action thrillers” in which I care about the protagonist or his story, but this is definitely one of them, and the fact that they’ve maintained this level of quality for an entire trilogy is mighty swell.

Harry Potter #284 – Or whichever number this one was in the series. I know these films leave out a lot from the books (which I’ve not read, and never will), and I usually think that that’s a good idea (although Sin City was incredibly true to Frank Miller’s source material, and was f’ing brilliant). A film is not a book, and except for Sin City, it’s simply non-transferable. Although actually, the film version of 300 draws directly from many frames of Miller’s book to great effect. He has a genuinely cinematic style in his comics/graphic novels, and must have served as excellent storyboards for the two adaptations mentioned.

I Am Legend – A decent pop-film all around, and I’m a sucker for post-apocalyptic stuff.

Knocked Up – Like Superbad, this springs from the stable of and his Freaks & Geeks alumni & friends. Good fun, though not as entertaining as the other film.

Live Free or Die Hard – Still has the (acceptable) cheese factor of the franchise, but is probably the best sequel. There’s a great geek cameo, too.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 – Like Spider-Man 3, I was surprised at just how good this film was; it’s a great example of a “popcorn movie” that gives “a rollicking-good time.”

The Protector – Another solid film from newcomer muay thai/parkour genius Tony Ja. Better than his first outing (The Warrior, which I still think is a decent film); there’s something truly groundbreaking in this film actually: in the middle of the film is an incredible slugfest of Ja vs. over a hundred assailants, all in one scene, with masterful choreography (of which the single, roving camera is an real part). It lasts almost five minutes… mind-blowing.

Ratatouille – another decent offering from Pixar, though not their best (which would be The Invisibles).

Resident Evil: Extinction – Definitely a guilty pleasure. This third film is much better than the second, although its ending sets up a possibly cringe-inducing premise for the fourth flick.

Sicko – Moore again needs to remove his melodramatic self from the film, which he did so well in Fahrenheit 9/11 (a truly great film). While Sicko is a good film and covers a vital topic, it was plodding compared to F9/11. It’s a shame that it so quickly vanished from theaters.

Smokin’ Aces – another fun pop-film, this with some truly great, wild characters.

Superbad – Again from the Freaks & Geeks alumni as well as bringing the adorkable Michael Cera aboard from the brilliant Arrested Development. Much better than Knocked Up.

TMNT – A new, CGI Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick that doesn’t serve as any particular sequel to the previous films, but doesn’t tediously re-hash their origin. This film was dumped from the theaters quickly, but is worth watching when you’re bored.

Transformers – Yet another good popcorn film; brought the classic icons successfully to the big screen, which is an achievement in itself, as well as pure fun.

War – A decent actioner, featuring two of my very favorites, Jet Li and Jason Statham. The gag of the film is a bit of a stretch (this film can be spoiled is you know it ahead of time), but it’s still much more interesting that the usual fare. Oh, and it stars two of my male crushes, Jet Li and Jason Statham.

So there we go. If you think that this was long and tedious, just you wait: I’ve got tons more reviews and recommendations and other lists…

Go me.

I just got off my ass and did the small amount of snow-shoveling required outside my house. It's basically my job, being the landlord and all, but due to my ever-present lack of energy, I usually fail on this front. Of course, it only being two inches of snow helped. And I have to admit, part of me was motivated by ensuring our mail carrier had an easy time with our path and stairs... I'm expecting a slew of packages (gifts for me, Woot) this week. Huzzah for conspicuous consumption.

Drugs

I take a lot of drugs… legal ones, that is; I used to engage in the illegal sort, in my early 20s, mostly, and I look back on that period of exploration fondly. But now, I take a lot of drugs, via prescription, for my medical/mental condition. The list (as I’m of a list-making mood this morning) these days is:

Cymbalta – antidepressant
Lamictal – balances my (barely-bipolar) mood swings
Androgel – not ingested, lest I want to die – a testosterone-enhancing gel
Doxepin – sleep-regulation
Adderall – legal speed

This also, until recently, included Bromocriptine, a drug usually given to people with Parkinson’s, which impedes the tumor in my pituitary gland’s stifling of natural testosterone production. We (my endocrinologist and I) have taken me off of it recently, to see if my years of taking this (heavy on the nasty side-effects) drug has indefinitely suppressed the tumor. I’m doing my usual schedule of blood tests over the next year, followed by an MRI, to see how this is going.

Anyway: I will address drug #5 this morning, the Adderall. It’s 4:30 AM as I write this, and it is partly to blame. Mind you, it’s a great drug to aid my otherwise zombie-like level of energy, it being a pretty straight-up amphetamine. Speed was never my thing during my drug years, but I need it now. For the past two weeks, however, I was without the stuff. Previous to that was just the first month that I’d started taking this drug, and that period was an elation, it giving me the energy to actually do things. I started cleaning my pig-sty of a room for the first time in eight years. Imagine how bizarre that sounds, and then apply it to eight years of 365 days. It’s been said that the cleanliness of one’s home speaks greatly of one’s emotional and psychological health, and I agree with that: I’ve been living in this state for about 3,000 days.

Like other speedy drugs (Ritalin, for instance, which was my motivating drug in recent months), Adderall is a tightly-controlled substance, requiring a new scrip every month. Unfortunately, my pharmaceutical company doesn’t deal well with our (my psychiatrist’s and my) attempts at dutifully submitting forms for pre-approval for controlled substances, and so I was off my speed for the past two+ weeks. It made a huge difference, but now I’m finally back on the stuff.

As I’ve been painfully short on go these recent days, when I finally got the new scrip filled, I popped one immediately upon getting the pills, though it was about 4PM (two days ago), and they’re supposed to be taken in the morning. Then I went over to my buddy Todd’s house to watch the big game (Pats vs. Giants), but omitted the standard beer/drinky-drinky from my diet, since I’m still dealing with post-cold effects (phlegm, anyone?). So instead I drank something I never drink: Dr. Pepper. Over the course of the night, like, 1.5 liters of the stuff. I finally went to sleep at 4AM that night.

For the rest of that day (yesterday), I was hung over from my binge, though I still managed to be somewhat productive (I installed me a new, digital thermostat… now I have to figure out how to program the fucking thing). But, here I am, writing this at 5AM, and I’m about to take another hit of speed. Still, even feeling hung over, this is miles better than not having the stuff in me.

Which brings me to a happy memory.

During Saturday morning cartoons (the classic 80s era), they used to actually run PSAs, and my favorite one was the following. Everybody sing along!

This is serious (serious)
We could make you delirious (delirious)
You should have a healthy fear of us (fear of us)
Too much of us is dangerous (no, no, no, nooooo!)
Doctors tell the pharmacy (pharmacy)
Types of pills that you will need (you will need)
And he knows the harm that we can be (we can be!)
If we're not taken carefully (no, no, no, nooooo!)
We're not candy (believe us!)
Even though we look so fine and dandy
When you're sick we come in handy
But, we're not candy (ooooh, no!)

FUCK YEAH.

Just got back from watching the Patriots recover from their biggest point deficit in a game this year to beat the Giants, 38-35. It was an incredible game with tons of drama, great plays, and several huge records being broken. Of course, if you are aware of football in general, this is no news to you.

I love that this game was "meaningless," in terms of it not affecting either team's standings in the playoffs. The Pats had already secured their #1 position with home field advantagein the AFC, and the Giants had already secured their wild card spot in the NFC. The real meaning of tonight was just about two teams, playing the game we and they all love, at their very best. The Patriots were gunning for a perfect season and broken records, and the Giants were the ones that were fighting to stop 'em. There was never a dull moment, every play being full of intensity, pressure, and victory and loss. Yeah, I'm getting near-poetic about it all, but it really was the best game I've seen this year. While it was pure candy watching the Patriots demolish teams for the first half of the season, this unending, full-on struggle, with a truly great team that matched up well against our lads, was easily the most exciting.

Hell, I even watched all of the post-coverage and press interviews afterward. I love how Bill Belichick has no interest in doing these, and how he says - in an absent monotone - that he's happy with the team (and how they need to do better, of course). When asked about the game being "meaningless" in terms of their standing and position in the playoffs, Belichick gave a great quote from his former mentor, Bill Parcells, which again speaks of why football is a game, which is played, always intensely (or, it should be); which I can only paraphrase as: "for a player, any game you're playing in is meaningful."

It's always great listening to Tom Brady being interviewed, on account of him being one of the coolest guys on the planet. Watching Randy Moss be interviewed was interesting enough, but the intriguing part of his conference was when someone mentioned that the New England Patriots are "big in Japan." I love the Japanese. You never know what idea or icon or character they're suddenly going to adopt and go nuts over.

If you didn't see the game, you should download it via torrent (where you'll see it commercial-free), the best site being www.tenyardtorrents.com (although it will be on any major torrent site, it being the be-all end-all of this year's NFL games, thus far).

'Twas the Night before Christmas

Well. See, I play Dungeons & Dragons with some fellow geeks, and well, uhm, see, I, uh... Okay, I made the following for them.

All you need to know is that the "St. Nick"-like character, a gnoll (actually a Flind, which are a tribe of gnoll limited to a certain stretch of mountains) is a lowly courier that works for an angel named Gabriel, who runs a curiosity shop in the bowels of a dungeon, which is actually a long-forgotten prison created by the gods to forever detain demons, devils, and other infernal creatures captured during the Mana War. Uh... anyway, Flint is a character of one of our players, and he's a priest, and he and the other players' characters are traveling through the dungeon because it's a shortcut to Colossus, the fabled city of the frost giants, because they desperately need their aid in fighting off the evil ice giants. So, yeah, and uh right now the party of adventurers is camped just outside a tomb filled with water.

Anyway.

Philately Fetish

Or, Passing Fancy #23,346.

Lately I've renewed an interest - which will almost certainly pass - in philately, the collecting of postage stamps. An odd, sudden fixation, but it doesn't surprise me in the least, because I have a favorite Christmas memory involving stamp collecting.

I was probably around five years old. I'm pretty sure my mother's sister Ann (who is nucking futs) was over for Christmas, or it may just be that she had sent us all presents (this was probably the case... she lived in England). In any event, the day before Christmas, I couldn't resist but to sneak over to the tree and yoink! a present and open it. Inside was a beginner's stamp collecting kit. Being a fetishist for collecting things, and an admirer of pictures (and design, though I'd no clue of such an art form at the time), I was delighted. It was easily my favorite present received that year!

I immediately set to work and began licking the used stamps from many different countries and sticking them into their places throughout the album (I'd no clue what the little gummy slips of film were for, but knew that stamps were licked and placed). However, the guilt of stealing a present a day early did gnaw at me, and I - with appropriate shame - tried to hide the gift, messily thrown back together, with individual stamps flitting out and about, under my bed.

Amusingly, looking back on it now, I can recall that our bed frames were high above the floor, and our bedroom (which I shared with brother John at the time) had no carpet, and so anything "hidden" under the bed could not have stood out more to even the most casual eye. My memory here is vague, but I don't think I was punished for this; in fact, soon after, we were allowed the unwrapping of one gift each on all following Christmas Eves. So even then, I was a revolutionary, that through civil disobedience, brought me and my fellows one step forward toward... well, getting whatever it is that I wanted at the time. A true leader among men!

My brothers had actually received the same gift from Auntie Ann, and we three ended up subscribing to this service which seems peculiar and antiquated to me now: every week or so, some company would send us small transparent envelopes containing a small set of stamps, and each envelope was printed with a description of the set and its price. The deal was that one would either keep the stamps and send the money, or return the stamps. I have to admit... we often just kept them and didn't pay. Well, the company didn't actually have any means of recourse, since they were operating on an honor system. I imagine that they stopped sending us our "trial" envelopes after some amount of loss on their part.

Our grandfather - my mother's father - was a mighty philatelist, and this fetish was passed on to his three daughters, so it was inevitable that, in time, the stamp collecting bug would bite we three boys. I remember our grandparents' living room (this was in Hove, England, a suburb of Brighton), with its many musty old books, which included Grandpa Jack's stamp albums. It must have been a summer in the late 70's that we were there (me being perhaps seven or eight years old), and we boys had all brought our stamp collections along with us. I remember sitting with my granddad in his library/living room, he showing off his stamp collection, and I mine. I remember vividly how he reacted when he saw that I had a full sheet of new, mint condition stamps of portraits of each of our U.S. presidents (not licked and pasted onto a page... for by now I was no novice!). They were actually only stickers, and not stamps, I said, but my grandfather contradicted this determinedly. I remained adamant in my assertion - for I couldn't see any numeric value on the things - but, seeing as how he was a bit older and more experienced than I, I guess he was probably right. With great fondness and amusement, I remember how, not only did he insist that these were stamps, but that he wanted them! I have no idea whether I gave them to him or not. I hope I did.

Grandpa Jack was a great and gentle man. The classic "kind soul." He had various jobs when he was alive; one of them I know to be that of furniture mover. He was one of the select few that owned a van during the war, and my mother has told me more than once about how he and his van were always there to help people relocate or otherwise get out of danger. I wish I had a picture of him from that time. My mother has also mentioned her own recollection of that time, albeit only briefly. Perhaps many of her memories were left forgotten as a survival technique for moving on after the war, but she has stated more than once her memory of hiding under the kitchen table, terrified, as the sirens blared.

Anyway, I do actually have a photo of my grandfather from when I knew him at my young age, and I should scan it in, along with many other photos. I'll post it once I do; it's a great, sweet picture of this elderly fellow showing off a magnificent - large and pink! - flower in his well-kept English garden. Grandpa Jack died just a couple of years later, and my brothers and I visited him in his death bed shortly before he passed. We were beginning a year-long stay in England (a very formative experience in my life), and he lay there... gently, as was his manner. I never knew my grandfather on the other side, my dad's dad (and from the sound of him, I'm better off for it), but Jack... he's a great figure and a great memory.

Should I play sentimental and grab up a stamp album? Or will this be a passing fancy (one of many, all my life)?

Well, that's my Christmas memory: my favorite one. Even better than the time I got a scientific calculator, complete with a pouch that I could hang from my belt (and oh yes, I did)!

So, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Jolly Kwanzaa, Sweet Solstice, Happy Holidays and all of that business.

And now, I will listen to Yello's version of "Jingle Bells," just to be a cheesy bastard.

Christmas Fun!

Spread some holiday joy with these fun new pictures!










Weird. People say I have no "Christmas spirit."

NTodd Storms the Castle

Please check out the excellent blog by my good friend NTodd. He's been in our capitol for the past few days trying to get arrested for being right about things. Complete w/blurry pictures!

Onward Pagan Warriors!

There was an amusing commentary on CNN's website yesterday by Roland Martin on "putting the Christ back in Christmas." It's tripe, but it pleased me greatly to read the peanut gallery's comments: about half or more of them went on about how the Christians co-opted the Pagans' wintry celebrations in the first place. Of course this is representative more of computer users that happen to browse CNN and bother posting in such places, rather than our nation, "but... still."

"I'm not ashamed to tell people who I am with Merry Christmas. I will not stop saying it even if you throw me in jail." - a proud CNN reader fighting the good fight in the War on Christmas

Hot'n'Heavy GOP-on-GOP Action

"It's another example of the administration's failure to treat global warming with the seriousness that it actually demands." - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ahnold's probably my favorite Republican these days. Read about him suing the federal government here!

Good Doggie.

R moved out the other day, taking her cats and dog with her. Lexi here was the dog I've loved most in life (I'm a cat person). I think I liked her so much because she was such a cat stuck in a dog's body.

Kitschy Kitchen

For years I've been thinking... "I should clean out our cutlery drawer someday." That day came. Yesterday I unearthed everything and washed it. For pictures, check out my new photo album at http://picasaweb.google.com/phobrek/Kitschy

The tally is:
15 forks (no two of which alike)
a large serving spoon and fork
38 spoons (I did find THREE of one type)
a straining server spoon
4 wooden spoons
2 large Chinese soup spoons
2 ladles
a pasta ladle
20 knives
2 cleavers
5 carving knives
8 bread knives
a cake knife
a cheese cleaver
17 steak knives (in a vegetarian household)
3 fillet knives
a nice pair of chopsticks
10 sets of disposable chopsticks
2 plastic spatulas
2 rubber spatulas
a metal bbq spatula
a set of bbq skewers
large bbq tongs
2 sets of tongs
3 set of measuring spoons/cups
4 can openers
a whisk
a huge egg beater
a peeler
a garlic press
a vegetable grid cutter
a wine bottle opener
a tea ball
2 tea straws
several extra long straws
a metal rolling pin
a potato masher
a cheese grater
2 pizza cutters
kitschen scissors
2 rubber jar grips
and a paintbrush.

"Now THAT was a shopping experience." - The Bots

(This entry is actually two days old.)

I just returned from That's Entertainment (thatse.com), my favorite store in like, the world, which is New England's largest comic store. It sells a myriad of other things geek-related. Anyway, by using credit (for comics I'd traded in), a holiday coupon, and an employee buddy discounting some old D&D figs (for the uninitiated: diminutive metal figurines one paints and uses in playing Dungeons & Dragons, and other related games), I got a shiteload of merchandise for cheap. All in all, I gots:

1. three new funnybooks (Incredible Hulk, Mighty Avengers, and my favorite, Captain America)
2. a new X-Factor hardcover
3. NINE blister packs of figs

:for only $30 cash. Fuck yeah. Geekasm. I love a bargain.

I walked through the cold snowiness, but had to because I needed to deposit rent $ in the bank across the street from That'sE. I wasn't cold, except for my neck, which made me think that, since I was sick, I should have worn a scarf. But, I then realized that since I already had a sore throat and coughing nastiness, well, it didn't really matter, right?

Eulogy for Spot

I recently had to fill in my friend JennyLisa about my previous kitty, Spot. I did so w/these words, elsewhere:

Poor little sweet Spot never returned one day. I stalked the neighborhood for a number of days, did the whole poster thing, but nothing. I'm hoping that he got lost and someone took him in, rather than getting run over. Such is the risk of having an outdoor kitty.

I really miss the guy, he was such a riot. I like to imagine him traveling around the world: dining fine dining in Paris, prowling castle ruins in England, investigating Berlin's catacombs, finding secret passages (yay D'n'D!) in Egyptian pyramids, warning children away from IEDs in Iraq, carrying medical supplies to inaccessible areas in Malawi, searching for woolly mammoths in Russia, fighting for workers' rights in China, hunting giant rats in Indonesia, going on a vision quest with the Kiwis, guest-illustrating a manga graphic novel in Tokyo, climbing to the edge of volcanoes in Hawaii, advising Chavez in Venezuela, leading Mexicans across the border, trying his hand at goalie in Canada, and maybe, just maybe, visiting me before he makes a full frontal assault on the White House.

In any event, to me, Spot is a martyr in the struggle for fun and the absurd.

BTW - anyone that likes to look at pictures of precious little kittens can do so in my new photo album, yawp.

Cats'n'Dogs

So, two days ago, one of my housemates very suddenly moved out. She (R) and J (I feel reluctant to name other people in my journal, for whatever reason) finally broke up at one o'clock that morning. She'll be missed, but, I guess this was a long time coming (though it came as a surprise to me, because I was never quite familiar w/the state of their relationship).

Unfortunately, she's also taking her dog and (three) cats. Oddly, her first two cats seemed never too friendly with me, whereas usually cats and I love one another. The third cat, a rescued stray, was absolutely adorable, and I'll really miss that one. Also, the dog was my favorite dog ever (I'm not much of a dog person, otherwise). The dog, Lexi (I guess the anonymity habit doesn't carry over to animals), was kind of ridiculous and mentally defective. When she heard the first rumblings of a storm approaching, she would hyperventilate and hide in the bathtub or under my desk (she wasn't a small dog, btw, making this clumsy accommodation particularly amusing). With the cats, she would occasionally remember that she's a dog, and that she's supposed to dislike and chase them, so every once in a while she'd growl and maybe even woof at one, totally at random. Oh, and she liked to help people watch TV or movies, so whenever we turned on our A/V devices, she'd trot in and lie on the couch.

Now I'm thinking of getting a cat, but, I'm not the most responsible person and have difficulty even taking care of myself, let alone others. Meh.

Bible Humper

I love my Bible. It's beautifully printed, designed, illustrated, and the pages are even edge w/gold leaf! But the reason I love it is because every once in a while, I think to lift it up and see if there's anything that I've previously stuck there w/the intent to flatten it. This is by far the biggest and heaviest book I own! I just now found my once-warped copy of The Incredible Hulk #109 under there, and now it's nice and flat. I must have put it under there a couple of months ago. I love my Bible!

Re-boot #23

Otay,

My favorite webbed curmudgeon and college buddy NTodd just sent me an email suggesting that when one has a blog, there's some kind of expectation for the blogger to occasionally write something in it. So I decided to try it again.

For the uninitiated that somehow work their way here, I'm a 38 year old layabout with a medical condition that leaves me a bit of a zombie. Like most zombies, I will die if you shoot me in the head, so, I ask that you don't. Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, I live in a nice house in Worcester, Massachusetts, with housemates consisting of a couple of great friends and my brother (also a great friend). I'm a bleeding-heart liberal near-vegan atheist. I live off the government (screw you, taxpayer!) and manage a handful of apartments (two of which make up the second floor of my nice house).

Hopefully, I'll maintain this blog. Or, I'll post here a couple of times and then abandon the whole thing for another 3-6 months.

Oh... My... Gawd.

If you've yet to see it, look in your TV listings for a re-run of the first episode of Comedy Central's new animated series, Li'l Bush. It's perhaps the most insulting, dark, cruel, and twisted thing I've ever seen (and so of course, I loved it). I felt like I was going to be taken to Guantanamo Bay just for watching it.

If you don't have cable or other access to it, you can always download it via torrenting. For the uninitiated, torrenting is the process of using a file-sharing program to pirate just about anything - TV shows (old and new, network and cable, foreign and otherwise unseen), movies, music, pdf-ed books, pr0n, and so on. If you're interested, go to utorrent.com for a torrent program, and then a site like mininova.org to check out the zillions of things available. It's a little more complicated than that, but not very.

And these days, some networks even have their programs available for viewing on their site (via streaming, probably not by download).... Actually, I just checked: it's at http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/lil_bush/index.jhtml and you really must watch this absolutely surreal show. I can't imagine it being shut down, somehow....

There's a Big Dumb Grin on My Face....

From CNN:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- She was taken handcuffed and crying from her home. She was escorted into court disheveled, without makeup, hair askew and face red with tears.

Crying out for her mother when she was ordered back to jail, Paris Hilton's cool, glamorous image evaporated Friday as she gave the impression of a little girl lost in a merciless legal system.

"It's not right!" shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom!" she called out to Kathy Hilton, who also was in tears.

...

Back before Sauer on Friday, Hilton's entire body trembled as the final pitch was made for her further incarceration. She clutched a ball of tissue and tears ran down her face.

Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: "The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith."

Hilton screamed.

Get Out of Jail Free

I hate that I'm even thinking about this stupid bitch, but I hate Paris Hilton and what she stands for so much that I can't just ignore her. Beyond the obvious seething hatred over her special treatment, I have only one suggestion to offer to restore any sense of justice to the situation: if she gets to return to her luxurious home, so do all of the inmates from her cell-block. I don't mean that they should get to return to their respective homes; I mean that they should be able to stay at Hilton's crib.

One Ballot, One Day

I wrote a whole spiel on this in the past, though it's lost in some archive or gone completely at this point. But voter fraud must be taken seriously, and actually addressed by Congress to a degree that it results in some kind of action (I know it's hard to imagine, but humor me for a moment and try).

One Ballot

When I think of equalizing the value of each individual's vote, with it there must be a system in place by which our votes can be equally cast. On Election Day, across the nation we experience variously (un-)trained volunteers running variously (in-)accessible polling centers using variously (in-)operable machines employing variously (dis-)organized ballots offering variously (under-)funded candidates depending on variously (in-)equal state-specified registration requirements which are then (mis-)counted by variously (in-)secure machines and reported by variously (not!-)unbiased secretaries of state which are then translated into variously (dis-)proportionate numbers of electoral votes per state with which we then decide a variously (completely-)inept president.

Many different kinds of elections are held on Election Day, not just the federal one for President and Vice-President of the United States; we also cast votes for positions ranging from members of Congress to the local school board, and register our approval (or lack thereof) of local propositions. These elections - and their ballots - of course vary by state, county, city, town, and so on, and is completely necessary. But are we such environmental conservationists that we must include our federal election in the same ballot? A federal election should be run by the federal government, and each citizen must be able to vote in a way that is equal to any other. There must be one ballot, identical to each other in every detail, from the list of candidates available to their order on the page. There must be one set of regulations for registering one's candidacy and representation on the ballot. There must be a number of accessible polling places, machines, and trained personnel proportionate to the area's population.

And there really ought to be a paper receipt available for the voter. Not that this alone prevents fraud, but it could be used in a way to help deter it. And there ought to be police that monitor polling centers to help prevent the tactic of individuals coercing voters to not vote. And there ought to be the ability for absolutely anyone to vote early by mail, with such absentee votes only opened and counted on Election Day. And there ought to be same-day voter registration. And there ought to be pie. Lots and lots of pie. And most importantly, there must be a holiday named

Election Day

It is mind-boggling to me that the day in which the United States exercises the fundamental act of electing its representatives is not a holiday. Not only should it be a day which recognizes and celebrates democracy in action, but it should be a day which enables us to actually vote. When people are forced between the choice of skipping out of work or voting, something is wrong. In our last federal election, a great number of voters in Ohio - and in other states - were forced to wait in lines for hours just to vote (and imagine being one of those told, when finally checking in, that you can't vote at the polling center). In the worst cases, in the black and/or Democrat-heavy areas of Columbus, Cincinnati and Toledo - as well as on college campuses, of all places - potential voters were made to wait as long as ten hours to vote. That's somewhat heroic, to me, that people - here in the United States of Apathy - would be so determined to vote that they would wait ten hours, sometimes in the rain, to boot. But you can imagine how many gave up (according to Wikipedia, a bipartisan study measured that anywhere between 5-15 thousand voters left before voting). I bet somewhere, someone ended up losing their job because they decided to vote instead of show up to work.

By the way, the average wait to vote in Ohio in 2004 wasn't so bad... white people ended up waiting an average of 18 minutes to vote, and black people waited an average of 52 minutes. Still, that is kind of a long time just to walk to the back of the bus.

Primarily Unfair

An addendum to my earlier post on the Electoral College system:

Though it's not a part of the electoral college system, the ridiculous scheduling of the states' primaries for the selecting of candidates has got to go. When we talk about how the electoral college system dealt with the problem of candidates giving more or less attention to different states, the scheduling of the primaries is a massive offender. Though I'm not suggesting a certain schedule in particular, the early date of some states' primaries has historically caused candidates to spend insane amounts of money and energy in addressing the voters of those early-birds. So it's been great news that the Democratic National Committee has proposed a new schedule for their 2008 primaries. Though I'm unsure of the new order, I've heard that states in a variety of regions are having their dates moved up. I imagine that there could be a better schedule or system, but I haven't really thought of what it could reasonably be; a nation-wide "general election" for a party's candidate would be unwieldy, particularly since the primaries are not operated by the government.

The Departed Vs. Infernal Affairs

In short, the winner: Infernal Affairs.

I liked Martin Scorsese's The Departed, though never felt it to be breathtaking in any sense, and I definitely shared the view that Scorsese won his Academy Award for his career rather than the film (although if the film wasn't decent, I think he'd have been passed over again).

And so while I felt that it was certainly praise-worthy, yesterday I got to watch "Miu Gaan Diy" - the Hong Kong thriller released as "Infernal Affairs" back in 2002 - on which it was based. That film won many awards as well, but after watching it (as part of a 5-hour marathon of the whole Infernal Affairs trilogy), The Departed seems almost pedestrian, and even forgettable.

The IA trilogy was written by Felix Chong and Siu Fai Mak, the latter of which co-directed the films with Wai Keung Lau, and was released all in the space of two years (2002-3). The three of them have recently teamed up again on Seung Sing (Confession of Pain, 2006), which I've yet to see, and Wai Keung Lau is making his English-language directorial debut this October with edgy/perverse-sounding The Flock, a thriller with Richard Gere and Claire Danes.

The films are shot beautifully, and the cast in fantastic. Jack Nicholson's character is beautifully portrayed by Eric Tsang (mind you, remove Jack from a role and the character is immediately de-sensationalized), and makes Jack's character a phony by comparison. Tony Leung (known stateside more for his comedies Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer) better emotes than Leonardo DiCaprio, and an understated but tortured Andy Lau (the spurned lover in House of Flying Daggers) outshines Matt Damon (who I generally love to watch), and really excels in the other two films. And while other cast members are decent, their direction and writing stand out more than anything. While Anthony Wong Chau-Sang plays his role well, I was more excited about the possibility of seeing his counterpart, Martin Sheen, should they ever adapt IA2 & 3 (his role in all three films is substantial, but especially in IA2). But even in IA1, his character is more involved and involving than Sheen's in The Departed.

I really do hope that they don't Americanize the sequels; they altered the first in a way that would require some creative futzing to enable them, and I'd rather people see them in their original, brilliant form. Not that American viewers would know they're out there, or be able to find them very easily....

Church and State

So I was just reading some of my good friend NTodd's blog (which partly inspired me to start blogging again, myself), which can be found at http://www.dohiyimir.org (this is a hint, lacking in subtlety, suggesting that you visit his site and check it out). In his Archive section there's a piece he wrote on the Pledge of Allegiance, and it inspired me to make the following piece into a new post. These posts are from an archive of my own past blogulating, a few of which I'm revising and re-posting (both for my own satisfaction as well as to attempt a casting of my ideas out into the swirling sea of mis-information drowning we, the people).

A Separation of Church and State

It is commonly suggested, by those that would further pervert our government unto a theocracy, that our "founding fathers" intended the laws of the United States to be founded in Christianity. This idea often sits comfortably beside another common belief, that one's own sense of morality must not? can not? should not? stem from free thought and feeling, but rather by instruction, such as in the Bible or Ten Commandments (attempts to infiltrate an actual court of law with a monument to the latter have been well-publicized in recent years). But it is no secret that the bulk of the Constitution of the United States was instead based in British "Common Law," which was hardly the result of a religious doctrine or organization.

And as any informed reader will know, the gentlemen known as our "founding fathers" consisted mainly of our nation's first delegates, to the Constitutional Convention of 1787. They were not relying upon religious instruction, but knew that the freedom to practice one's religion without interference from the government (or the people for which it serves) was vital. Otherwise, as anyone who has read it will confirm, the Constitution simply describes the structure of the new government, due representation, the means of taxation, and so on. One of the delegates attending the Convention's sessions was Benjamin Franklin, who once wrote:

If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution. The primitive Christians thought persecution extremely wrong in the pagans, but practiced it on one another. The first Protestants of the Church of England blamed persecution in the Romish Church, but practiced it upon the Puritans. These found it wrong in the bishops, but fell into the same practice themselves both here and in New England.
-- Benjamin Franklin, An Essay on Toleration

Said Puritans are the most commonly cited example of those that arrived in the New World to avoid persecution in a place free of governmental or other communal restraints on one's beliefs. The fundamental issue of the protection of one's civil rights was foremost among the concerns of the Convention's delegates. And after the structural formation of the government as described in the Constitution, it was addressed in the very first item of the Bill of Rights: the first ten amendments to the original document, ratified two years later.

During the debates on the adoption of the Constitution, its opponents repeatedly charged that the Constitution as drafted would open the way to tyranny by the central government. Fresh in their minds was the memory of the British violation of civil rights before and during the Revolution. They demanded a "bill of rights" that would spell out the immunities of individual citizens. Several state conventions in their formal ratification of the Constitution asked for such amendments; others ratified the Constitution with the understanding that the amendments would be offered.
-- U.S. National Archives and Records Administration

Thus, the Bill of Rights begins, after a brief preamble:

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

It could not be more clear that this decrees a full separation between the powers of church and state; the first phrase says that no law can be made which will respect any religious establishment, but: neither can it rule against a religion or prohibit the practice of it by American citizens. However, the phrase "separation of church and state" is one which is not actually used in this Amendment, and those critical of the idea commonly suggest that this is only one an interpretation of the phrasing, and is not accurately representative of it - or the Constitution's for that matter - intent. But Thomas Jefferson and several Supreme Courts of the past would disagree:

Believing that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their Legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church and State.
-- Thomas Jefferson, to Danbury Baptists, 1802

Religious belief - or non-belief - is an important part of every person's life, and the freedom of religion which we are provided affects every individual. Religious institutions that use the power of government to support and empower their agenda undermine the civil rights of the citizens of the state. Moreover, state support of the church tends to make the clergy less responsive to the people, and endangers of a corruption of its own religion. Erecting the "wall of separation between church and state," therefore, is essential in a free society.

We have solved ... the great and interesting question whether freedom of religion is compatible with order in government and obedience to the laws. And we have experienced the quiet as well as the comfort which results from leaving every one to profess freely and openly those principles of religion which are the inductions of his own reason and the serious convictions of his own inquiries.
-- Thomas Jefferson, to the Virginia Baptists (1808)

This is Thomas Jefferson's second use of the term "wall of separation," here quoting his own use in the Danbury Baptist letter. The wording of these letters was several times upheld by the Supreme Court as an accurate description of the Establishment Clause: Reynolds (98 U.S. at 164, 1879); Everson (330 U.S. at 59, 1947); McCollum (333 U.S. at 232, 1948). But lest one contest that Jefferson's famous phrasing is only the interpretation of one of our founding fathers, here are quotes from our first two presidents to counter the notion: George Washington's is quite diplomatic; John Adams' is outright inflammatory:

I am persuaded, you will permit me to observe that the path of true piety is so plain as to require but little political direction. To this consideration we ought to ascribe the absence of any regulation, respecting religion, from the Magna-Charta of our country.
-- George Washington, responding to a group of clergymen who complained that the Constitution lacked mention of Jesus Christ, in 1789 (Papers, Presidential Series, 4:274)

The priesthood have, in all ancient nations, nearly monopolized learning.... And, even since the Reformation, when or where has existed a Protestant or dissenting sect who would tolerate A FREE INQUIRY? The blackest billingsgate, the most ungentlemanly insolence, the most yahooish brutality is patiently endured, countenanced, propagated, and applauded. But touch a solemn truth in collision with a dogma of a sect, though capable of the clearest proof, and you will soon find you have disturbed a nest, and the hornets will swarm about your legs and hands, and fly into your face and eyes.
-- John Adams, letter to John Taylor, 1814 (Norman Cousins, In God We Trust: The Religious Beliefs and Ideas of the American Founding Fathers (1958), p. 108, quoted from James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief)

And as if Adams' perspective couldn't be more clear here, I can't help myself but provide his simple question of:

Can a free government possibly exist with the Roman Catholic religion?
-- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, May 19, 1821 (James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief)

Origins of the Pledge of Allegiance

Every weekday morning, in classrooms across the United States, millions of children stand, face the flag, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance. But I wonder: were I to conduct a "man on the street" poll, asking the random passer-by about the Pledge of Allegiance, from where would they say it comes? Particularly telling would be to ask the question without offering any answer via multiple choice. I'm imagining a lot of guesswork, and I can't help but imagine that many would vaguely attribute it to "our founding fathers," or, that it's actually in the Constitution, or better yet, written by Thomas Jefferson (everyone knows he wrote everything, right?).

The Pledge of Allegiance was actually written in 1892, by a socialist named Francis Bellamy, for use in Youths' Companion, a national family magazine published in Boston. The magazine had the largest national circulation of its day, of about 500,000, and was owned by notably liberal businessmen Daniel Ford and his nephew, James Upham. In 1888, the magazine began a campaign to sell American flags to the public schools; by 1892, Ford and Upham had sold about 26,000 of them.

The initiator of this enterpreneurship was Upham, who had the shrewd idea of using the celebration of the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus' discovery of the New World to promote the use of the flag in public schools. The same year, the magazine hired Daniel Ford's young friend, Baptist minister, Nationalist, and Christian Socialist leader, Francis Bellamy, to help Upham in his public relations work. Bellamy was the first cousin of the famous American socialist, Edward Bellamy, author of the futuristic novel, "Looking Backward", published in 1888, which described a utopian Boston in the year 2000. The book spawned the socialist "Nationalism" movement in Boston, whose members wanted the federal government to nationalize most of the American economy.

Francis Bellamy was a member of this movement and a vice president of its auxiliary group, the Society of Christian Socialists, and often lectured and preached on the virtues of socialism and the evils of capitalism. He gave a speech on "Jesus the Socialist" and a series of sermons on "The Socialism of the Primitive Church." In 1891, these activities led him to a forced resignation from his post at Boston's Bethany Baptist church, and it was then that he joined the staff of the Youths' Companion.

By February 1892, Upham and Bellamy had lined up the National Education Association to support the Youths' Companion as a sponsor of the national public schools' observance of Columbus Day, complete with the use of the American flag. By June 29, Bellamy and Upham had arranged for Congress and President Benjamin Harrison to announce a national proclamation, making the public school flag ceremony the center of the national Columbus Day celebrations for 1892. Bellamy, under the supervision of Upham, wrote the program for this celebration, including the Pledge of Allegiance which was then published in the September 8, 1892 issue of Youths' Companion.

And thus it began, that millions of children across the country gave a stiff, uplifted right hand salute (a gesture which was understandably changed during World War II) and recited:

I pledge allegiance to my flag and the Republic for which it stands -- one nation indivisible -- with liberty and justice for all.

Various organizations quickly adopted the practice of the salute and Pledge as well, including the segregationist Daughters of the American Revolution, the American Legion, and the Knights of Columbus. These groups variously inspired changes to the Pledge, as well as to its legislation.

In 1924, when the Daughters of the American Revolution adopted the Pledge as part of a National Flag Conference, they replaced the words "my flag and to the Republic" to "the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands," over a concern that the children of immigrants might confuse "my flag" for the flag of their homeland.

In 1940, the Supreme Court ruled that students in public schools could be compelled to recite the Pledge; but in 1943 the Supreme Court reversed its decision, ruling that "compulsory unification of opinion" violated the First Amendment. At the end of 1945, the U.S. Congress officially recognized the Pledge as the official national pledge.

In 1950, the American Legion adopted the Pledge as an official part of its own rituals. The Legion is the nation's oldest and largest veteran's organization, though its history has been marred by incidents in its earlier years. Founded in 1919, the American Legion (as stated in its constitution) included a goal "to foster and perpetuate a one hundred percent Americanism." At its worst, the Legion was active in campaigning for the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II in relocation camps, and contributed to the McCarthyism movement with its standing committees the "Americanism Commission" and its subsidiary, the "Counter Subversive Activities Committee."

In 1952, the Knights of Columbus adopted the Pledge of Allegiance as a practice opening their meetings nation-wide, with the insertion of the phrase "under God," and began a campaign to encourage Congress to do the same. Though their wanted legislation made an appearance in Congress, it never passed.

But it was not long before new legislation was brought before Congress, and this time it had the strongest advocate: President Dwight Eisenhower. Presbyterian minister George MacPherson Docherty greatly influenced Eisenhower (also a Presbyterian), making the case that without reference to God, the Pledge might as well be speaking about any nation. Eisenhower was motivated enough to make the change as part of a code covering the country's symbolic emblem, in 1954. When ge signed this code into law, President Eisenhower said he was ''reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America's heritage and future."

And thus it reads, and is said by millions daily, today, the Pledge of Allegiance:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

This is not the Pledge written by Francis Bellamy. He was a priest, but he pointedly omitted any mention of religion in what was to be an all-embracing statement; in fact, it is known that Bellamy had actually wanted to add the word "equality" to his Pledge. But he omitted that as well. He thought it would be too controversial for his time.

The Value of a Vote Under the Electoral College System

I have many current thoughts to spill here, but I'd also like to run some repeats of a small number of entries I wrote in a previous blog.

This first one is some research I did - just to satisfy my own curiosity - on the inequalities of the electoral college system by which our voting public chooses our president and vice-president... or doesn't. Just how much is your vote worth, compared to that of someone else in another state? The worst example is that of Wyoming and Florida: a vote in the former state is worth four times as much as that of a Floridian, in terms of their representation by certain numbers of electors.

Even disregarding the fraud of the 2000 election, Al Gore received more individuals' votes than Bush; yet of course, he lost on account of - besides fraud and numerous unethical practices - our unfair electoral system. And thus, as a result, our country has suffered, and the poor people of Iraq have suffered far more... but that's for a different discussion (read: rant).

One might say that the earliest example of an electoral college was the College of Cardinals (responsible for electing a new pope) in the year 1059, which still survives to this day, but I'm not quite sure as to whom they're representing. In the late Middle Ages (16th century), a college of "prince-electors" became the ones to select an emperor for the Holy Roman Empire. Our system has been in place since the ratification of the Constitution in 1788, though it has been amended on two occasions: in 1804, the 12th amendment was passed, but it isn't quite relevant to this analysis; and in 1978, the District of Columbia was granted representation in the electoral college system.

A good itemization of the pros and cons of this system can be found at trusty Wikipedia; here's an excerpt:

The Electoral College is intended to dilute the votes of population centers that may have different concerns from the majority of the country. The system is designed to require presidential candidates to appeal to many different types of interests, rather than those of a specific region or state.

...

Supporters of direct election argue that it would give everyone an equally weighted vote, regardless of what state they live in, and oppose giving disproportionately amplified voting power to voters in states with small populations.

...

Essentially, the Electoral College ensures that candidates, particularly in recent elections, pay attention to key 'swing-states' (those states that are not firmly rooted in either the Republican or Democratic party). It equally assures that voters in states that are not believed to be competitive will be disregarded.

This last paragraph describes a theory, but expresses it in a somewhat opinionated manner. I think that the last sentence in particular is completely false. I live in Massachusetts, a hardcore blue state; if I was interested in voting Republican (ha!), I might as well not vote at all in the presidential election. Since the Democratic candidate will always handily take Massachusetts, the votes for a Republican candidate are useless, and count for nothing.

In 2000, I actually voted for Ralph Nader, because in the case of "third parties," winning 5% of the votes in the general count qualifies them for federal funding in the next election. I didn't want Nader to win, but I wanted the Green Party (or any lefty third party) to become empowered (dream on!). Were we to have a general election in which all votes were counted equally, I would certainly have voted for Gore, and helped to save countless lives, etc.... Sorry, I really can't stop myself. What, me bitter?

I think that the electoral college system made good sense back when it was introduced, and in recent years has become increasingly counter-productive. One main factor in this is the great advancements of technology: candidates now have the abilities to travel great distances quickly and easily, and to reach voters everywhere via mass media. This greatly reduces the need for our obsolete system, and instead has created inequities in the value of our individual votes.

And now for the data, so you can see these inequities for yourself. I compiled this information in 2004, and so used census information from they year 2000, in which the travesty of injustice occurred. I remember calling in to Al Franken's show on Air America (liberal talk radio) at the time when they were discussing the upcoming election and the fear of fraud (often centering on the Diebold machines). He believed that Congress would make great progress in passing legislation to prevent foul play, and I of course disagreed with him. In your face, Franken!

Inequality of Votes in Presidential Elections Under the Electoral College System

Introduction

Hi, and welcome to my blog; hopefully it will survive my frequent periods of silence that tend to plague me in these things. I had a LiveJournal (a blog-esque site) for years, but haven't posted in... probably years, and so I decided to begin anew, here.

As my brief description says, I'm a disabled recluse, and I'll quickly detail that here. Ever since puberty (I'm 37 now), I've suffered from a general lack of energy and depression. It was only seven years ago that a medical student realized that a hormonal disorder (this, after seeing various doctors about my problems for many years prior), called Hypogonadotropic Hypogonadism.

Basically, I have a tiny tumor on my pituitary gland (which is just under the center of one's brain), which caused an overflow of prolactin at the expense of producing a man's "go juice," testosterone. Prolactin, meanwhile, is the hormone that allows a pregnant woman to lactate... a somewhat emasculating fact to hear. Everyone has trace amounts of prolactin, but mine was seriously elevated (though nowhere near the point in which I could lactate).

One reason that this was finally discovered by this student was that he was studying endocrinology, but also I was experiencing depression and a decline in energy for months. Soon after the condition's discovery (this is in the year 2000), I began a nosedive that made my previous condition look like chronic happiness. By the end of that year, I had become an overweight, suicidal shut-in; it was only because of my brothers and mother that I pulled through.

I still suffer from chronic depression, exhaustion, sudden sleepiness, short-term memory loss, and so on, but to nowhere near the extent of my darkest hours/weeks/months/years. It's impossible to truly describe what it's been like these seven years, day in and day out, spending all of my thirties in dead time. I have been getting better ever since, in steps that can't be characterized as baby steps... maybe baby turtle steps... or not even, and with constant setbacks. I've been on a variety of medication (am currently on a daily cocktail of six kinds), and am on Social Security for mental illness. My days are generally filled with distractions: computer gaming being a major one, while I'm minoring in movie-watching, music-listening, game development (a variant of Dungeons & Dragons... yes, I'm a complete geek), and frequent thought and concern regarding government, politics, and current issues. This last passion will feed the bulk of this blog, though these other topics will definitely surface on occasion.

Oh... a note: I'm verbose. I'll attempt to first encapsulate my ramblings in the opening paragraph of each post, and then expand on such abbreviation; but I'm sure this won't always be the case.