Phobrek's Blog

I'm continuing to look through my newly archived blog posts from 2001, and read this lengthy "open letter" I'd written in June '01, prefaced with:

The following is an open letter I just finished writing. It's the nth version of this ever-evolving note.

I remember this, but I've no idea how many times I tried putting it together... it was started and abandoned often. Reflections on it:

1) Sadly, though my condition is no longer as severe as it was, the letter still suffices in painting a picture of what my life is like.
2) Curiously, it seems that I was receiving bigger testosterone injections back then.

WTF? I had a different specialist in those days. With the guy I've been seeing in recent years - who is supposedly regarded as a hotshot of endocrinology - I'm on a lower dose, though have asked on more than one occasion if a bigger shot would help. He negged the idea; would the earlier doctor (who I didn't much like) - or another doctor - have differed? Again, I know that the doc I'm seeing now is publicly regarded as being fantastic.

Well, my next appointment with him is coming up soon, and I can address it (I'll also mention it to my injections nurse later this month, just to see if she has any thoughts). I'm also curious to see how my recent blood test checks out. I receive injections of testosterone every two weeks, and for once I had them test me one week after an injection, rather than right before it. Taking a blood test at the end of the two-week period gives you a sense of your low-end/baseline, and mine are always poor. But I've always wanted to know what my levels were like during more of the bulk of the duration, thinking that if they're low, we might alter my treatment. I hate that I have to be the one to try and be more assertive about my treatment (a big part of my medical/psychological condition is that I'm a terrible advocate for myself). Ideally, one's doctor would be earnest to pursue an issue.

I dream of having a doctor like that of Robertson Davies' The Cunning Man... if you've never read Davies - regarded by many as Canada's greatest novelist - you should check him out. His Dr. Hullah was basically a doctor that was truly investigative and saw each patient as an individual... is that too much to ask?